# 🌿 A Conversation With My Father at the Edge of Life #Family #Love #Gratitude I told my father everything in my heart about him and his value to me. That's a blessing. I told him about my future ambitions, and projects I have in mind. I told him that he might see my accomplishments in the afterlife, but I won't have the pleasure myself to see his prideful eyes. I gave him some geopolitical predictions, and told him to check if I'm right about them. He enjoys my predictions and analysis. I told him that not all fathers are like him. Not everyone who had kids has the drive to dedicate his life to their wellbeing. Many destroy their own families. I told him that his death is finally making me understand what "عطاك عمره" saying means. I thought it was just a generic folkloric word. I told him that he literally gave us his life. I told him that I'm learning from him till his very last minute. I told him that, even in his death, he is teaching me. I told him that I don't know what exists in the afterlife, or how it looks like. But I fully believe that it exists, and that it's likely to be a nicer place. I told him not to worry about mom, and my siblings. And that he taught us to function like a one being. He felt guilty that he is inconveniencing us in every aspect, and that his death will bring sadness to our lives. I told him that he is indeed inconveniencing us, but that he would have done the same, if not more, if any of us were in his place. This is what family is for. He felt guilty that his death will bring sadness to our lives, he told me: "I don't want any of you to feel sad. I want you to turn the page and start a new chapter." I told him that we WILL be sad, we love him! But that he gave us a million reasons to be happy, and one reason to be sad. And that we will be happy because of him. I also told him that his suffering is bringing us much closer to each other. He told me that he feels guilty for spending his life working. And that he should have spent more time being our father. I showed him a writing I posted recently and told him: "you worked for us, not for work. Your hard work made us who we are today. You sacrificed your own life to give us our lives. And you did it without bending your values and ethics by a single degree." He told me that he feels guilty for hurting me. I asked him with confusion, "hurt me?" He said that he didn't get to support me as much as he wants because I lived away since 18. I told him with a surprised face: "baba .. you were my safety net that allowed me to live the financially unstable life that I chose. I couldn't have lived the life I want without you! You gave me the extreme opposite of hurt: safety." I reminded him how he gave me the first cameras in my life when I was a child, and those made me who I am today. I told him "you gave me everything, and left me needing and wanting nothing." He gave us all much more, and I told him much more .. His last proper sentence to me was: "انت (you are) The Dream Matcher." ![[me and dad.png]] > [!rtl]- بالعربي > أخبرت والدي بكل ما في قلبي عنه وعن قيمته بالنسبة لي. هذا نعمة. > أخبرته عن طموحاتي المستقبلية، والمشاريع التي في ذهني. أخبرته أنه قد يرى إنجازاتي في الآخرة، لكني لن أرى بنفسي عينيه المليئتين بالفخر. > أعطيته بعض التوقعات الجيوسياسية، وقلت له أن يتأكد إن كنت على حق. هو يستمتع بتوقعاتي وتحليلاتي. > أخبرته أن ليس كل الآباء مثله. ليس كل من أنجب أطفالاً لديه الدافع ليكرس حياته لرفاهيتهم. كثيرون يدمرون عائلاتهم. > أخبرته أن موته يجعلني أخيرًا أفهم معنى عبارة "عطاك عمره". كنت أظنها كلمة فولكلورية عامة. قلت له إنه بالفعل أعطانا حياته. > قلت له إنني أتعلم منه حتى آخر لحظة له. قلت له إنه حتى في موته يعلمني. > قلت له إنني لا أعرف ما يوجد في الآخرة، أو كيف تبدو. لكني أؤمن تمامًا بوجودها، وأنها على الأرجح مكان أجمل. > قلت له ألا يقلق على أمي وإخوتي. وأنه علمنا أن نعمل ككيان واحد. > شعر بالذنب لأنه يرهقنا في كل شيء، وأن موته سيجلب الحزن لحياتنا. قلت له إنه بالفعل يرهقنا، لكنه كان سيفعل الشيء نفسه، وربما أكثر، لو كان أحد منا في مكانه. هذه هي العائلة. > قال لي إنه لا يريد لأي منا أن يشعر بالحزن. يريدنا أن نطوي الصفحة ونبدأ فصلًا جديدًا. قلت له إننا سنحزن، نحن نحبه! لكنه أعطانا مليون سبب لنكون سعداء، وسببًا واحدًا لنحزن. وسنكون سعداء بسببه. وأخبرته أن معاناته تقربنا أكثر من بعضنا. > قال لي إنه يشعر بالذنب لأنه قضى حياته يعمل، وكان عليه أن يقضي وقتًا أطول كأب. أريته نصًا كتبته مؤخرًا وقلت له: "لقد عملت من أجلنا، لا من أجل العمل. عملك الشاق جعلنا ما نحن عليه اليوم. ضحيت بحياتك لتعطينا حياتنا. وفعلت ذلك دون أن تنحرف عن قيمك وأخلاقك ولو بدرجة واحدة." > قال لي إنه يشعر بالذنب لأنه آذاني. سألته باستغراب، "آذيتني؟" قال إنه لم يتمكن من دعمي كما يريد لأنني عشت بعيدًا منذ الثامنة عشرة. قلت له بوجه متفاجئ: "بابا.. كنت شبكة الأمان التي سمحت لي أن أعيش الحياة غير المستقرة ماليًا التي اخترتها. لم أكن لأعيش الحياة التي أريدها بدونك! أعطيتني عكس الأذى تمامًا: الأمان." > ذكرته كيف أعطاني أولى الكاميرات في حياتي وأنا طفل، وهذه جعلتني ما أنا عليه اليوم. قلت له "أعطيتني كل شيء، وتركتني لا أحتاج ولا أريد شيئًا." > أعطانا جميعًا أكثر بكثير، وأخبرته أكثر بكثير .. > كانت آخر جملة صحيحة قالها لي: "انت The Dream Matcher." > [!seealso] Related Thoughts > > - [[🖤 The Last Hands-on the Tunnel]] > - [[❤️ A Last Conversation with Baba]] > - [[🌸 Peace in Baba’s Rest]] > - [[❤️ Talking with Baba about Death] > - [[❤️ Closest to Perfection]] Published: March 23, 2025